uh-oh {April 27, 2009}

A couple of years ago, a disturbing thought entered my mind after visiting my grandfather in his nursing home. I had observed a few patients with walkers in the lobby—and a small collective of elderly visitors who stood nearby. As my mother and I strode past, I realized that I towered in comparison. Then the thought struck me:

WHY ARE THERE NO TALL OLD WOMEN?!!

I understand that folks typically shrink with age, but still... at that moment I was unable to recollect ever seeing even a moderately tall old woman. We don't all end up shrinking 6 inches, right? I decided to keep an eye out for "the elusive tall old lady" at parks and grocery stores, but after a few days of not seeing a single one and becoming more & more perplexed, I realized with relief that the earth has Bea Arthur from The Golden Girls! She is very tall, around 5'10 or something. I could go on with my life, worry-free. Tall senior citizens may be an endangered species, but I had my mascot: Bea Arthur with a happy, hopeful heart of affirmation drawn around her.

I recently found out that Bea Arthur died. SHE DIED! I need a new mascot immediately—please send suggestions my way. EXTRA BONUS POINTS if you are a tall, elderly reader of The Blisslist. Now that would be unexpected. And awesome.

Until then, I shall remain concerned with my life's longevity. Okay, so I'm totally joking—this fear is ridiculous, hahaha.... (typing this sentence as she shakes her head from side-to-side, wide-eyed. What's that noise outside?)

Miss you, Bea. Goodnight.

Uh-oh, Tall Women Everywhere: The Official Playlist!

The Saddest Story Ever Told - The Magnetic Fields | purchase  
All We Want, Baby, Is Everything - Handsome Furs | purchase  
Grow Up - Metric | purchase  
Aging Faces, Losing Places - Kevin Drew | purchase  
Elderly Woman Behind the Counter in a Small Town - Pearl Jam (Live) | purchase  
Contrast and Compare - Bright Eyes | purchase  
Small Things - Lali Puna 
We Looked Like Giants  - DCFC  
Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh - Say Hi | purchase  
Idiot Heart - Sunset Rubdown  
We are Beautiful, We are Doomed - Los Campesinos! | purchase  
An Accident - Shearwater | purchase  
New Disaster - Elliott Smith
Sad, Sad, Sad - Arms | purchase  
Gone Gone Gone - The Notwist | purchase  

(image from the shiny squirrel)

Comments

[Pete]

This is pretty funny. I can't think of anyone. But could it be due to osteoporosis, which causes bowed backs, right? We just need to straighten these old ladies out and they'll be tall again and everywhere. Maybe.

Wishing you a long life. :)

[Nomad]

Thank goodness for Bea Arthur and the Golden Girls, if not for shows like that and the People's Court, etc. my summer's as a junior higher would have been even more dismally dull

[Brendan]

Isn't Katey Sagal pretty tall?

You could retire to a sofa and eat Bon-Bons all day long while spending your husband's money on
TV shopping programs - ala her character on "Married With Children."

:)

[me]

Hm. Katy Segal is in her 50s now. She's still middle-aged, nice try! And I would rather die early then spend my life like that tv character. ;)

Mom, if you are reading this, I suddenly thought of Dad's aunt Jerry while driving to work today. How tall is she — 5'9? So yeah, maybe not as tall as what I'm looking for but things are looking up!

And a scientist told me that Julia Child was 6'2 and lived a very long life. I am pleased.

Ok, I'll go outside again, folks!

[mama]

Your Dad's aunt Jerry is in her late 80's and in fantastic shape. I'm not sure exactly how tall she is but I do know she is a bit shorter than I am and I'm not tall.

I just looked up Julia Child and she lived to be 91 years old and was 6'2"! She also ate anything wonderful that she wanted AND never touched margarine - only real butter :)

[me]

Liz Frith, powered by croissants and butter. AND BRIE!

[Glen]

Janet Reno, Dorothy Ford, and Geena Davis are all over 6 feet. Although Geena is more of Kate's age. But Janet is 70 and Dorothy is 86. And Dorothy is easy to remember, since that is Bea's GG name.

[me]

Ever since I turned 30, I've had a running list of new oddities in my life. JANET RENO AS NEW MASCOT has been added. Thank you!

[Bones]

It's osteoporosis - low bone density leads to crush fractures of the vertebrae. Instead of being little cubes stacked on top of each other, they become triangles and spine curvature happens. It happens to old men too.

I'm an osteoporosis researcher....

[me]

but can I be saved, mister osteoporosis researcher man?

[Kris]

My grandma is in her 60s and is about 6'0. I'm 5'9 but have horrible health anyways so I'll probably die young. haha